So coming up is stress week before the move. I'm taking off the week to pack. I'm frantic but things have been coming together in small ways where I never imagined it would do. And I think surrendering this mess to God really made the difference. I am a little calmer now. I still go into panic modes and feel overwhelmed but things are definitely better in my spirit.
I know some of you may find my religious talk odd coming from me (old geezer yaoi fan woman with a sailor's vocabulary) but I really am a Christian, though I don't practice organized religion like going to church. My religion is a personal thing. I respect other people's beliefs because I know other gods and goddesses do exist. I felt Pele in Hawaii as we walked around the lava flows - it was a raw wild feeling. I felt 'something' at American's Stonehenge and greeted it respectfully. Sometimes in a wood I will feel the spirit of that area. I will happily and humbly take a blessing from any deity though I pray to a different God. Us humans need all the help we can get sometimes.
Anyway, back to the move. Because I was able to do such a drastic purge of the other closets, it looks like we won't feel the loss of the walk-in closet so much now. It still hurts BADLY but we're better than we were.
What has really boggled my mind is that I kept most of this shit for SO LONG. That jacket is too small and you will NEVER be that small again unless you starve yourself for months. DUMP IT, STUPID. Yeah, some things had sentimental value but I decided to risk losing the memory and get rid of lots of things. And yeah, lots of things I had forgotten until seeing that item again this weekend so I know I WILL lose a lot with this move. I don't have time to write everything down, either, or even take photos of things. I haven't done it yet, but I am throwing out four full portfolios of paper artwork. I'll have to make sure a few things don't get pitched (like original work by other artists) but my stuff is going to be toast.
Bits that have been scattered around or lost are coming back together and packed away together. Plans are slowly solidifying. I have friends stronger than I ever expected coming in to help us.
I know those of you far away are sending positive thoughts, strength, kharma and love to us right now and I thank you and bless you for it. *laughs* I ask God to pass on the message to your personal deity.
And now for something completely different - the smoke/flea spray poisoning and various illnesses due to it (especially the lung/breathing pain and coughing), bodily stress due to poisoning and moving, different auto-immune flares, doing something to my back so I've pinched/damaged the nerve from the waist down so I'm half numb and the pain shoots up and down my legs from crotch to feet and evil drugs have royally screwed with my typical sleeping pattern. I know the Pred is the main reason why I haven't slept at all but even before it I was only getting no more than two hours sleep max. The Pred kept me from even sleeping at ALL for two weeks.
My current pattern is to get no more than two hours every other night. About 11pm every night, if I'm lying down for a back break, I get this weird funky irritating sensation and I want to go to sleep. If I ignore it I won't sleep that night. I didn't realize that until I put it off a few hours then tried to sleep later. Recently I have been cheering because I have a yawn. Yep, I haven't even been yawning. I have been one giant frazzled wired crazy woman. The Pred withdrawal doesn't help matters - it makes me a little dizzy so my eyes can't track and a sensation crawls under my skin around my temples and across my face, concentrating in the eye area.
So last night I got the sensation, told rat and curled up right then and there on my floor cushions with my quilts and went to sleep. I woke up at one point to pee and hoped I'd make it back to sleep and I did, which was wonderful. I actually got almost four hours sleep last night, the first time in a VERY long time to get that long a block of sleep. I'm even feeling tired this morning, which would be great except I have TOO much prep to do before folks start arriving tomorrow to help pack.
Eating has been another adventure. I don't feel like eating anything substantial until evening. Soup is my standard for breakfast/lunch at work. Thankfully Subway does brocholi/cheese or potato/bacon for me. Their other soups don't taste that good. Anyway, for dinner last night Crockett brought home Chipotle for the first time in ages (since me eating anything for the past few months has been almost non-existent) and it was so good. I ate my usual amount of food for a change. It was delightful. I have leftovers and will be enjoying it the next few days. Happy tummy.
I have become so used to the cigarette smoke here that Crockett is the one picking up on it. I know it's killing my appetite and my sense of smell so I can't taste anything.
Today a librarian friend is coming by to pick up another buttload of stuff for her to use at her library for reading club and art programs and to distribute the rest to her city's youth center, heritage center and senior center. I'm giving her EVERYTHING - all my art supplies, craft supplies, arts and crafts books, paint brushes, expensive cross-stitch patterns, more fabrics and patterns, unfinished sewing projects with all supplies/patterns, even manga and anime collectables.
And if it fits, we're giving her husband rat's Victorian caroling costume, complete with expensive top hat. He wants something to Steampunk and rat's costume is very nice - morning coat with striped pants, rich-toned multicoloured paisley with gold accent patterned half-vest and burgundy cravat.
Thanks: --> to Lia, my sensei, who has inspired me to draw again. I
wouldn't be doing this without your support, Domo Arigato!
--> to Talon, for sending me her fabulous fics, inspiring me with her writing to draw my first
illustration for a story and actually liking what I drew.
--> to Dasia, for her words of encouragement when drawing her original chara.
--> to Joules, a wonderful epic fic writer, for liking my art enough to want to post them with Talon's
and her own stories.
--> to Lutra, the other half of the epic team, for being so supportive.
--> to Jacque' & Becca Raddittzu, we met on eBay as bidder and sellers and now we are face-to-face
friends. You showed us the real DBZ with your fansubs. It's all your fault the house is full of
doujinshi! *LOL*
:: welcome to bakayaro onna's mindless ramblings, rants & raves :: 
